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beneath the barriers, beyond the excuses

April 6, 2012

I remember when I wasn’t sure I could do this.  I remember when exercise felt like a chore.  I remember when I felt like I had to do it alone.  And I’m not talking about years ago… I’m talking about weeks ago, just before I starting working with my trainer.  It hasn’t been very long, and already I feel capable and strong.  I feel addicted to exercise again, in the very best sense of the word.  On my prescribed rest days I still do a little floor workout because otherwise I feel antsy or cranky.  These are all good signs!!

So, why didn’t I do this sooner?  It’s been such a fantastic experience to have the support of someone who is positive and knowledgeable.  Why wouldn’t I want that?

Well, for one thing, it is a bit of a crap shoot.  My trainer and I were just talking about this today: It’s not always such a good match.  We both feel fortunate to be working with each other.  I was afraid I would get a trainer who was judgmental or impatient or narrow-minded, but that’s not what happened.  And guess what?  Worst case scenario, if that had happened, I could have just switched trainers.  No big deal.  But it felt like a huge scary barrier.  Interesting.

Why else didn’t I do this sooner?  Well, maybe I just wasn’t ready.  I can think of several more reasons/excuses that I had for not going to a trainer before, but when it comes down to it, those are just the surface layer of resistance.  And you know what? That’s OK.  Maybe it’s OK to not be ready for everything all at once.  I have a hard time with this.  I think I have to do everything.  Perfectly.  Right now.  And since that is impossible, I waste energy chastising myself, energy I can’t afford to waste with all of my various ambitions.

This semester I am taking five classes, working several part-time jobs, planning my wedding, working on a new art collection, editing a literary journal, maintaining a medium-distance relationship (hehe) and I STILL have time for personal training and sticking to my workout schedule.  Amazing.  I never would have believed I could do all of this at once.  But I just do it, and each single thing enriches the next.

This will be a good reminder to my future-self who thinks she’s too busy to exercise.

❤ Diana Banana

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